This is How I Love Them

it's only 140km from Jakarta to Bandung, i know that it's not that far and there are heaps of ways to go through these distance. and it's also not a biggie thing to travel back and forth between these two cities, this instead has been something that's so common to the people who live in Jakarta or Bandung nowadays. the living here in Bandung is also not so different from Jakarta, people who don't have to live this way will say that it's easy, well for some points i do agree. the only thing that makes it hard is leaving my mom and dad behind.

i am the last children in the family and the only daughter my parents ever had. my youngest brother is 7 years older than me, and my older brother is 3 years ahead him, so you can put a picture in your mind how over protective they've been in my whole life.

ever since i decided to go to the university that's not in Jakarta both of my parents have struggled to accept it and  try to fairly offered another option. they even still support me for every single thing that i need to prepare myself for the entrance tests that held by various universities in Bandung that i wanna go to. i did gave a try to some Universities entrance tests that are located in Jakarta, in order to respect what my parents want and also securing my position just in case i got no Uni wants to accept me. but in the end i got accepted anyway in UNPAD, majoring in Law studies that has been my mom's wish long ago.
i remember it was a very usual morning, i woke up with major heartbeats remembering that last night the result was delayed and will be announced first thing in the morning. i go check my entrance test number and got accepted. tears suddenly flow from my eyes and my mind went all blank. i don't know what to do yet what to say and finally called my mom (she's already went to her office with my dad back then), from her voice i know that she has this war going on inside her brain and heart, she finally know where i'll be going, but i know that she's holding her tears as well. i don't want to get more teary than i've already been so then i called my dad and his answering was flat, as if nothing happened. he's been like that fyi, i don't really mind anyway.
after that acceptance dad kept on pushing me to go for UMB and SNMPTN then gave UI another try, unfortunately the latest day for the registration was the exact same day with UMB and of course i have no other option (except going to private University in town).

the moving out part was also breaking my parents hearts &mine. i was the only daughter in the family that always comforts my mom whenever something goes wrong and cuddle to my dad like no one else. i know that it's breaking their hearts into tiny little pieces to see their only daughter move out from their home (while their other two sons were never moved out until they worked &made their own money) and start living on her own, with no 24x7 supervision and no instant access to reach me (physically) whenever i need help.
it's hard, picturing my mom will be all alone in my home while my older brother is working in Medan and my younger brother constantly go from town to town in order to fulfill his workloads, same thing with my dad. she will be all alone with Luna (my superlovelycanine) watching TV or read books like she usually does or listen to her favorite tracks loudly on home theater set that she bought in order to fill the emptiness when no one's home. she is desperately missing my daily appearance in that house with all silly stuffs i kept on doing just to tease her, she then finally brought herself a blackberry to keep in touch with me anytime she's dying to know how things have been going (since i'm a blackberry user as well). she sometimes call just to ask whether have i ate something, or what i was currently doing, she even insisted me to told her my whole plan to hang out with my friends on the weekends, i could feel her loneliness and it saddens me.
and by the time i came home she's all crazily happy and went hugging me anytime she had the chance too. and sometimes i overthink about the probability of turning this chance into a mistake, to leave home and living on my own. but i cling to the promise that i made, that i will make my parents proud by the time i'm moving back to home, i will have that SH. title (the degree title for Law students in Indonesia) after my full name as the proof that I CAN work my ass off to get what my parents want for me on my own.

i constantly telling myself that i'm doing this is also for them, for their mental pleasure in their old days after they've retired. to know that they have raised me well, that they can prepare me to fly and start living (and even start a family) on my own.
it takes a great bravery to leave my comfort zone and went somewhere that's completely something new and once was a stranger for me. but i'm more afraid of letting fear taking over my life and made me live in a total boring constant life. changes are necessary, and i believe that they are here for good.
then see now, i'm doing it anyway (yes, it's still in progress until i got that SH. title put after my full name). and heck i'll never stop until i reached my limit. 

this is my act to show that i love them more than i love myself.
by abandoning things i love at home, families, friends, every single thing that's totally familiar and comfort me in my daily life.
by leaving them, for good, and will return with handful of fulfilled wishes and many goodness that they can cherished in their old days.
someday, they will proudly saying to the people that "that's my daughter".
cause their happiness were always and also mine.

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