Back to Square One

i think i've had enough (or even too much) fun ever since i started this whole college-life thingy. i've done things i should not be proud about, my priority scale is messed up, feels like i'm walking without really knowing where to go or what to do. reminiscing these whole thing stressed me out, i feel like i'm wasting chances over something unimportant and solely for my own fun. the impacts are also there to strengthen the proof that all i did was only getting my self beaten hard by time and life.
i'm getting older, my graduation time's coming closer, those damages are still there, some riddles still unsolved while they have to be solved while a go, reality stabbing me from behind - pushing me to move forward, it's like every littlest plan i've prepared for my future is screwed. what to do?

"i thought i knew it all, i've been through the highs, said all my goodbyes. learn to run before i learn to crawl." - The Finish Line, Train.

i realize i should really cut some slack + some irrelevant activity(ies) to my college obligation. i'm gonna let go all of the board i participated in, realizing that being just a member is not so bad after all. starting some damage control on my GPA score, and start becoming just a real-serious-college-student.
it's gonna be hard; yes, i know. but aren't all those precious things hard to get?
it's gonna be uneventful; yeah, that sounds unlikely very realistic. define: being useless. that's much worse.
you can't just let go those boards you're in, you've fought so hard to make them alive; apparently, yes, i can. and their life will go on, with or without me. hurtful truth.
you're gonna be bored to death doing nothing but studying; if being dead is all that it takes to get my scholar degree then pay my debt to my parents & make them proud, so be it.

i guess letting go some things that makes you happy to some things that keep you alive though it's damn difficult is also a part of maturity process.
i'm afraid, i'm scared, i'm shaking. but being eerie does bring the best outta you, all your senses become much much more sensitive, you're ready for whenever the strikes come, your survival mode is on.
i'm ready.

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