a note from 20 y.o. Anne

so dear myself, i am sorry…
i know how i always believe to be the person that i want to meet someday, someone cool, someone so sincere for everything that she does, someone smart, someone you want to be someday. and as far as i know i haven’t gone even an inch closer towards that ideal person.
i am sorry.
i myself have gone through a horrible horrible years that it breaks my bones, crushes my heart, i got trouble sleeping every night, and life is just an evil bitch you’d hate to be friend with.
this is the year where i found myself questioning (again!) everything and doesn’t get the answer still, even until now. this phase reminisces me to my 17 y.o. Anne who’s so young, so naive, so angry towards this world. this flashback got me thinking that maybe i haven’t progressed anything at all these past three years, that i was stuck miserably at one phase.
i am sorry.
i wish this note was written by a more wishful and thoughtful Anne, but she might be too busy taking care of her art project that she forget to use her time machine to send you a note, so you’re stuck with me. i could only write depressive wrong things that i did for you to avoid and your wishes and dreams you always had for your future.
my dear self, this is an ongoing process of finding who you are and involving so many people’s judgement and standards won’t help at all. i just need you to do what is RIGHT for you to do. always always remember your priority (even though it’s kinda messed up right now but it’s all on the process, so hang tough!).
be strong and always believe that there’ll be a happy ending, cause if you haven’t had it then you haven’t meet your finish line yet. Anne, remember that God’s watching and God cares no matter how hard your days’ve been it. will. get. better.
do your best to those you love. fuck the rest. if love’s not the justification for righteousness then everybody should live and die alone.
true, the ones you love most will hurt you most, so do you towards those who love you. after all, every coins always have two inseparable sides. good and bad, love and hate, rise and fall. so just do your best and learn to forgive.
remember that when you feel so alone and nobody loves you : I LOVE YOU. this might seem sad but this is the most basic thing everyone should learn first, that is to love yourself.
learn to dance in the rain, throw your hands up in the air, enjoy the ride. cry when you need to but always smile and laugh off the rest, try to see the humour on everything. and basically, just do it.
you’re strong enough to stand on your feet and know which’s right or not.
happy 21st birthday, Anne!
enjoy your ride :)