it's hard to say it's not about you, cause it has always been about you for so long. i can't even put words into this while i'm still trying to fathom what had happen, where it went wrong, how it ended up like this. but i guess for now questions will be questions, i was just trying to find my own closure to this.
for so many times, for so long, i always said that i didn't just love you, i would fight for you. that's the length i'll go through to support you, to always be by your side even when the whole world laugh at your dreams and belittling your effort, to watch your back, be your safety net whenever you fall. my hands weren't strong but i'll do what i promised to you. never for once have i go that far to let someone know how important he is in my life. and he still is, to a certain point.


but i guess i doesn't matter now...

it's funny how fast a human heart could change in a beat, also funny how slow another human heart to change. it's still hard for me to not remember things that had happen, to feel shit that once was the highlight of my days. i still had dreams of memories of us, i still woke up with heavy heart and scared to sleep cause i've had enough of fighting in my own head. i grew tired of not trusting my unconscious mind cause i've tried to consciously delete everything i know about us.
i've been battling so many wars with you, now i'm on my own. i wasn't ready, i will never be ready but i have to.

for so many times i said to you, to find your happiness, to do what makes you happy, what makes your life liveable, to do things that wakes you up in the morning and drives your days through, to have your purpose. and i still want that, i realize that your process doesn't always have to be with me. maybe even with someone else you find more suitable to be your partner in this journey.
so long as you're happy
that it makes your heart beat
and abling you to achive whatever you dreamed of
i'm content with that.